Ben was wheeling out his homebrew set-up from our small porch.
" You don't have to tear that down. You can still brew if you want." "I don't want to brew for other people if I'm not drinking." It made me sad but I had no energy to disagree. I'm really proud of Ben's brewing ability. His beers are complex and delicious. But since we moved in together, it seemed beer was forefront. Instead of a weekend at my beautiful home in Topeka. Brewing. Instead of running. Beer drinking. Thing is, beer isn't such a temptation for me. I could sit and avoid the beer fridge. I prefer wine. So Ben started bringing home bottles of wine. I tried gentle conversations about finding some balance. More running? Symphony? But we just couldn't find the balance. Month after month,I would drink wine. Ben would drink beer. I would hate myself. We weren't running.
All I want to do is run. But the drinking was zapping my motivation. Our motivation. Our time. Our love.
The races were painful. Ben somehow runs pretty well on this program. For me, it was awful. I couldn't enjoy the races, knowing I had been undisciplined in my training which lacked structure.
Finally a simple plea. "I am easily influenced. If there is a bottle of wine in front of me. I'll drink it. Is that the influence you want to have on me?"
So, for now we're off the sauce. Of his own volition, Ben donated the leftover beer. In it's place are two kegs of sparkling "Benegrino," (carbonated water) in the fridge. (a freezer he converted into a fridge --he's so clever!)
50 + miles this week, and already feeling much healthier. I'll admit I was afraid no one would understand. People liked to come over and sample the three beers we used to have on tap.
But our friends are true. They know that running is our number one, and that it should be protected at all costs.
Thank you Dallas and Asher for being understanding. Mike Osborn. Kurt Schuler. Rick and Kristi Mayo. Shelley Flones. Jenn Bernstein.
It means a lot that we can make a big change and have support from our friends.
My father is an Episcopalian priest. So I'm going to use one of his Lenten suggestions. It is this; If you give up something, take on something else .
I'm putting recycling bins in the porch so we can sort and organize our trash. I'll admit it. We've been terrible recylcers. Yes I just made up a word.
Will we ever brew again. Probably. But for now we need to find structure and discipline in our running and build our relationship that way.
And a perfect balance, that as we detox our bodies and minds, we are detoxing the planet, too.
My brother calls me "Rome." Because I can take any idea and make it better. It's pretty fun. I like to create joy and charisma wherever I go!
Here's what one friend says about me:
" An amazing, deep, powerful spirit who seemed to dance with reckless finesse on the fine line between darkness and glory. i always did admire you."